i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
He kissed a someone with a penis
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
