The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
