I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
