my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
