will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
