how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
