why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
