He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
