My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
