So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
