Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize