Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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