Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
