Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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