fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize