I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
