I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
