if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
