So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
