Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
