Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
