How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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