i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize