dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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