Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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