he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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