I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
