After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
