You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
