I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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