Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize
