I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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