All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
