I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
What drink are we having for lunch?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
