She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
