I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
