I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
