Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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