Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
