The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
