Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
