At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
In other news, I just burned my penis
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
