Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
