I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
