Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
