she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Semen is not good for contacts.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
