she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
