hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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