how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
