he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
