You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
