i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
