yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
