i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Life is so much better after having sex.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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