i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I had to cum in my sink.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
