I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
