the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
