I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
