I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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