I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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