Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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