i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
