I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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