i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
