I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
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