Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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