I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I think my fart just growled at me.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
