Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
