New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
