So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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