I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
