This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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